____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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