so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
