so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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