i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
