Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
