haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
