idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
