Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
