Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
