the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he fucked my hip out of place.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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