what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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