We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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