ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
