so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
