Will you blow on my dice?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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