Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My vagina is officially offended.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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