I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
