you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
