i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
