so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
