Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
