I accidentally burped into my bong.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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