We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
