dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
