She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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