just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
