Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
