Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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