new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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