last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
