Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
