we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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