remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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