Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
