You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize