i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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