i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
