I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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