Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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