So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
