are you still at the devil's house?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
