I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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