Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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