i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
