I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
