I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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