You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize