ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
