i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It's Friday. Sex?
we made out on top of his cat.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Pooping to opera.
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