I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize