he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
