bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
