I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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