eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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