wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I came so hard my ears popped.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
