youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
