Swine flu. Run for my life!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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