Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
