Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize