i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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