if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
