I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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