put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
