i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
