I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
