Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
