Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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