My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
