You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
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