? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
