Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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