How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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