I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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