Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
