I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize