weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
