im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize