she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
