Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
