Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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