i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
