It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize