so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
