I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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