he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
