Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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