**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
