Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
