You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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