I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Randomize
