My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
