using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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