So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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