Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
