Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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