Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
