porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
