There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
