youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
