is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
