Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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