i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
