I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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