She said her name was "party"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
