nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
