He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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