I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize