Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
