Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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